Know thy self

Destiny is the child of competency and capacity...

The better your competency and capacity complement each other, the more beautiful the child !

-- Sodium

CATastrophic moments

"Abe tu ullu ka patthha hai kya ?" prom pinged me on Gtalk.
"Kyun maine kya kiya jo gaali de raha hai?" I replied wryly.
"abe gali nahi yaar...puch raha hun" He immediately went into damage control mode.
"hahaha...kya tarika hai poochne ka !" I didn't make his life easy.
"yaar confusion mein hun isliye…" replied an embarrassed Prom.

Prom and I had known each other for just 3 days now and here he was, asking me such a question matter of factly.

I had logged onto the T.I.M.E. chat forum for CAT 2007 with a different name this time. 'Ullu ka Patthha' instead of my usual name 'Sodium'. And he had realized it within minutes, by seeing my scores and by the secrets of him that I had started spilling there. He was goaded into catching me privately on gtalk when I innocently asked him what had happened to 'crab' (F) he was talking to, the previous day, just when he started taking chances on Neha.
Poor Prom !

That was three days after CAT happened. We settled scores on gtalk and went back to the T.I.M.E. chat forum. Prez was telling Neha that with her scores she could safely expect 2-3 IIM calls and that she should start preparing for GD/PI. Man! I was awestruck by his amazing cognitive abilities because just about 10 minutes back he was asking Prom and me in desperation about his chances of getting a call. And guess what! The difference between his and Neha's scores was just 1 mark. So here he was, now prophesizing to the girls about their chances of making it. This world is a big chess board I tell you and every pawn is trying to con the other to its ends.

By the way, Prom's full name was Prometheus Unbound. We 'lovingly' called him Prom. And soon we had shared secrets, pertaining to our girlfriends you see. So what if I don't really have a girlfriend. How would he know online if I tell him I am a hunk, always surrounded by cool chicks!

I went for a tea and when I returned, Prom had gone. It would be known later that his boss had been standing behind him for about one and a half minutes while he had zeroed in on catty who had just logged in and wanted to know if it would be a sin to expect a NITIE call without a work-ex. Yeah, it was noon time and we were all in office making the most of our employment benefits. Poor Prom! I thought again.

Anyways, I resumed my chat with Ruthless. He was another geek scoring 136 and worrying if he would be able to secure an IIM A call. Gee, everybody has his own worries. Here we were, willing to flirt even a black hole to secure a single IIM call and there he was, worrying over IIM Ahamedabad. Ruthless assured me that at my scores, I could keep my fingers crossed for a couple of calls from the 'lower' IIMs.
A truck ran over my feelings trampling my most cherished dreams. Immediately afterwards, Ruthless logged out. It was a clear cut case of hit and run. Somebody forward him that mail which taught the reader never to scoff at other's possessions, for that could be all they had.

Prometheus Rebound logged in.

"Hey! Prometheus REBOUND!" I exclaimed. "Is that you my dear Prom"

"Haan sodium, main hi hoon" reminded me of that dialogue Amir Khan speaks to Kajol in Fanna, "haan Ruhana, main hi hoon"

"Hey, how do I believe you?" I started using logic.
"Remember Priya, Sodium? Yesterday?"
"Eh…!" And all my logical abilities were put to rest. The chat room was full of current opportunities and too much was at stake to show over smartness at this moment.

"My dear Prom, I love you!" and the matter was put to rest.

He would sometimes log in as Prometheus Unbound and sometimes as Prometheus Rebound. I tried to spot a pattern but was promptly reminded of my handicap when Catty asked me on the forum regarding my percentile last year in Logical Reasoning. I gave up. He still comes sometimes as Unbound and sometimes as Rebound.

"Prom, you read the previous few lines. Ruthless told me I stand a chance in the 'lower' IIMs"

Prom burst out laughing. My feelings were mercilessly trampled again. This is a mean world. My IIM was a lower IIM !

"Hey all! Can anyone tell me what are my chances of getting a call with QA 38, DI 52, VA 34" someone had logged on by the name of Anjali.

"Hey hiiiii Anjali!!! Congrats, you are getting 7 calls. Start preparing for GD/PI" the message took some time to display as Prom and I had hit the jackpot at the same time.

The enlightened soul..

Oh I love this lil brother of mine! In fact even more than love, it's the respect and admiration for a few of his qualities that now serve as an inspiration for me.

I first visited him the day he was born, a tiny baby. Unfortunately, he was mentally retarded by birth. But I realize now, after my first hand experience with this little enlightened creature, that mentally retarded are often gifted with other virtues and insights into the philosophy of life.

Years passed and the next time I saw him was when he visited our home with his parents, when he was about 7 years old. The first time I experienced his philosophy in that young age was when his mummy interrupted our game to put on the shoes on his feet because it was getting cold in the evening. The game was interrupted and his mummy was also talking to my mummy while putting his shoes on. In her conversation, she took a bit more time than usual to put the shoes on and pat came the scolding from this little busy bee to his mummy...

'Aloo Patthhi !'

'What was it ?' we asked his mummy as she immediately halted her conversation and put shoes on his feet first so that he could go back to his game.

'He just called me pupil of an owl. He can't pronounce it well. This is what he says. I don't know who taught it to him but I am unable to stop him from saying that whenever he is dissatisfied with something.' She told us.

'Wow !!' I exclaimed to my lil sister. Now that's what you call attitude. She agreed.
After all it had been our long time desire to be able to accomplish something like that, but you see...out of 'respect' we could never. That that respect was wrenched from us by brandishing the sticks is a different matter.

Years passed again and we kept in touch with them through letters and lately through phone. The incidents continued pouring in and my respect for him grew. Sometimes these were at school, sometimes at home and sometimes in other situations.

And what impelled me to write this on my blog was something that he finished just a week ago. He is now about 15 years old.

His mummy arranged a home tutor for him as he was not performing well at school. One day, the teacher asked him to prepare for a test the next day. His mummy told us that he worked hard that day. He prepared that day for the test. And wrote the test the next day. When he had finished, the teacher checked it. Chhotu had performed about average and the teacher gave him 9 out of 20. Chhotu then asked the teacher to give him a 'Good'. The teacher refused. Teacher said that the performance was not up to the mark. Chhotu requested again. The teacher told him that he didn't deserve a 'Good' in this test. Now this was enough for this lil enlightened soul. He worked hard the whole day and here the teacher told him that his hard work didn't deserve a 'Good'!

Chataaaaaaak ! Chhotu immediately dispatched a right hander to the teacher's left cheek. Now that's what such insensitive teachers really deserve.

If any of you has experienced a mentally retarded kid then you know when they do such things, they do them with full force and surprisingly, their full force is more than that of their normal counterparts. I could imagine the impact of that slap. The teacher left the job.

How many of us go to the school, tuitions and college and keep our day to day grudges with our teachers and professors deep within our heart and later pass out with a heavy heart. Remember how we feel then when later in our life we meet one such professor who didn't spare a single ordeal to us and we could do nothing about that. This...precisely this...is what I respect the most about chhotu. He doesn't carry load with his heart. He balances score when the game is on and at night sleeps with a clear conscience.

Last night, after hearing this, when I went to bed, my conscience was even heavier than usual, for not just the load of unfinished businesses but the load of a flawed philosophy and cowardice bugged me. Never change my dear chhotu. Perhaps you don't know what kind of life you are inspiring us all for!

Conversations with a sinner...

Sodium: dada

bipul is online.

bipul: haan dadaaa

ki haal hai

Sodium: mast

tum bolo

bipul: yupp..me tooo :D

Sodium: :)

kahan ho

bipul: office main..

Sodium: oh

workaholic dada?

bipul: kaal raat ko daru mara...pura din kaam kar nehi paay..aab kaam karna pad raha hai

:D

Sodium: :D

meri aaj daaru hai

bipul: alcoholic dada

good good

Sodium: hahaha :)

dada

CAT se 25 din pehle daaru pi raha hoon...paap to nahin chadhega?

bipul: aare nehui nehi....keep both the things in different vector space :D

Sodium: :D

u r a ray of hope in this sinful world :)

bipul: ha ha ha...

I always hope never expect :P

Sodium: :P

ray of expactation

bipul: yaa..thatz hope...like photons and light

Sodium: hmm

so this ray is composed of hope

and hope can be broken into further elementary particles...hard work, attitude, and passion

analogous to neutron, protons and electrons

bipul: ha ha ha...definitely :D

but expectation cant be broken into particles..since itself is a particle

Sodium: i m trying to find an analogy for them

for expectation

bipul: hmm

Sodium: coz expectation is hopeless

bipul: yaaa

it is...

expecattions never create hope...hope create expectation..as I guess

Sodium: but if according to rutherford...everything is made up of hope

then how can expectation exist

without hope

that means bu contradiction...expectation has some hope in it

by*

bipul: it does not exist..actaully its objective..not as subjective as hope

Sodium: ohh

so its like energy

it exists but is intangible

bipul: expection is much about realistic...hope is much about idealistic

again...expection is practical..hope is theory. And theory always build practical :P

Sodium: oye

practical builds theory

bipul: so...rather have the theory and then think of practical

in some cases..ptractical build theory...but in many cases..not

Sodium: ahh...

hence we can conclude...some hopes are made up of expectations ... and some expectations are made up of hope

bipul: galilio never saw earth rortate around the sun...but the theory proved it

i dnt knw that is galilio or some1 else

Sodium: yeah. so true

bipul: similar to hope and expectation

Sodium: how does it matter if it was gallilio or my grandpa

bipul: yuppp

never matters at all

Sodium: when hopes and expectations converge... it leads to eternal happiness

bipul: probabvly..

theory converges with practical...thatz the success

Sodium: rather it has the potential of leading to eternal happiness

bipul: yupp

thats why we do some lab experiemnts to prove theory in practical

when they match we get fulll marks in lab test :P

Sodium: thats just fooling ourselves dada....I paid my lab assistent 20 rupees to know which compound I had

so if u have 20 rupees...u can converge theory with practical

bipul: yess...so if u can lick the paper..u can converge ur hope and expectation off CAT :D

Sodium: hmmm

bipul: there must be some external force ..else 2nd law of thermoD will fail..

Sodium: my external force is the motivation I get when I see frnd requests from girls on the profiles of my frnds from IIM A

frnds who we unknown obscure faces at engg college

bipul: ha ha ha.....people get only one girl to settle down.....so it hardly matters if the girl wants IIMA or BSC grad....Its all about how u will be with the girl and she will be wid u :D

Sodium: ahh

kaash dada

bipul: kaash dada

Sodium: :)

bipul: BSC grads are also getting good girls in their life

and their lives are also happy

Sodium: they are getting even the girls of IIM A grads too finally when those grads are too busy to look at home

they shd be happier infact

bipul: yess..

we will never be happy...even u go to harvard

Sodium: That, dada, is my nemesis

bipul: itz just momentary that a girl wants a A grad

before and after that moment...things are different

Sodium: Thats her way of claiming a coveted degree

once her convocation is over...u r done with

bipul: and its just a moment....whole life will not be revolving wrnd that grad A

yess..

Sodium: yep

bipul: just a moment..

Sodium: u keep the degree in some cupboard

bipul: hmm...finlly its u who matters

Sodium: we complete a full circle here dada

u r a ray of hope in this sinful world :)

A paranoid's night-out...

Now what the hell...I live in a 10 x 10 feet room and that is enough to make things difficult for me. I have to think twice before adding anything new to my accessories. The room ends barely after it begins. As Circuit put it when shifting the luggage of Munnabhai in the medical college "Udee saala ! Bhai yeh room to shuru hote hi khatam ho gaya!"

And as if there was still a room for someone else too...here I have my new guest who perhaps hopes to put up with me in my small room. How many of you would like to welcome a new guest at 2 a.m. in the morning when you are just about to switch off the lights to go to bed!
I was just about to do that.

Life of bachelorhood is a period of trial if that after it is of serving a sentence. Both make you feel miserable.

Anyways...I have confined the new guest in the cupboard and it should not have a way out till morning when I open the cupboard. The only worry is what if it doesn't find enough oxygen for itself in the cupboard to last for the night. That would add further to my miseries. At the moment I can hear the sound of it cutting against the closed cupboard door. Or who knows if its the cover of my B.Tech. degree!

I don't know if I'll be able to catch a good night's sleep now. Plan to go to the market at 9'o clock to buy a mouse trap first thing in the morning. Perhaps it would be in by the time I return from office tomorrow evening.

And hey wait...whaaa...whoz this...awwww...Here is a lizard trying to climb onto my bed from my laptop woofers by my bed side !!!!! It sees plenty of food fluttering by the light of my laptop screen!

Any more guests in the queue tonight??!!! What the hell has happened! Is it some special night or was I just blissfully unaware of all the events going in my room from last one and a half year!

No !! You keep your mouth shut !

A heretic's confession...

What is CAT but a delusion of Indians with the perceived grandeur of their mental prowess!

What do the CAT 'bellers' gain but a few material assets, whose significance lies in their individual perceived notions of achievement, a delusive spiritual advantage over their brethrens, and a pretty bum for a girlfriend determined to be their wife! The last one is of course a gain whose danger doesn’t depend on individual perceived notions but is a fact as plain as the rising of sun in the east, democracy of the west and spitting of Indians on the roads!

Who does CAT appeal to but only masses that are an arrangement of bones and flesh driven by herd behavior and without something as a sense of want and want not!

Where does it lead them to but a land of fanatics for two years and forever!

What does it produce for an end product but the likes of the sub prime mortgage crisis!

Buddhha mil gaya...

“How long have you been doing it?” He asked me a week back on his first day.

“Four years now.” I said then.

“Have you done it in your young age uncle?” I asked him with appreciation today.

He had been coming to our gym from last one week and was more than 70 years old. Though he had a protruding belly now but for his age he had an amazing stamina. He did all sort of exercises. And that’s what told me he must have been a veteran in the field. Those old people who sometimes come to gym do the regular fitness exercises, not the butterfly for that middle and side cuts of chest, not the front and back pulley for wings, not abs in their 70’s.

“Young man, when I was your age I was an amateur boxer and a body builder.”

“Wow!” That’s exactly what I had hoped from him.

“So what have you done Uncle?”

My question was not that weird but he gave me a blank look for a moment. I couldn’t make it why. I don’t know what he thought of me.

“I am a civil engineer.”

“I retired as the chairman of CPWD. Many of the bridges that you see in India have been built under my supervision. I have been head of several committees to set syllabus of civil engineering courses in various universities. Till recently I was the project leader of Mayur Vihar extension of the DND flyway when I developed some health problems and had to quit active working. Now I am consultant to various government bodies.” He told me over the next few minutes in several breaks between our next exercises.

“My God.” “You are quite an achiever Uncle. Why do they keep you working even so many years after retirement.” I had stopped doing the Squats now.

“You know there is a dearth of experienced professionals in government projects.”

“Yeah.”

But something had started bugging me. This man is 70+ years old and is a civil engineer. How many universities in India gave a civil engineering degree back then.

“Where did you do your graduation from Uncle?”

The expressions on his face suddenly became nostalgic. You could see that sense of belonging of his to his alma mater when he thought of his moments of graduation after so long. Perhaps no body had asked him this question for a very long time. Perhaps a dust had accumulated over all those memories of his young years. Perhaps their place had been usurped by the realities of a practical world in all those years.

“I did it from the erstwhile University of Roorkee, now the Indian Institute of Technology, Roorkee. 1964 batch.” said the voice brimming with proud, respect and pleasure at the recollection of old memories. A smile on his face. Eyes looking into the past.

Time is an endless phenomenon I tell you. Years pass by. People come and go. Young become old. Generations change. But some things stay. Some things see everything else going by. Some things make lives.

40 batches had graduated since then. What I was thinking of was the 41st batch. He went on saying many other things.

The paths would not be the same. But I was staring at my future in a way.