In the making...

These days I am working on a project for one of the prominent retailers in the US. This is my first assignment as a Business Analyst in retail and somehow I landed up working on the pricing system of this retail giant on my first assignment itself, that too without a degree in business. The work is amazing. A complete insight into all the headache that goes behind those simple and attractive labels on the shelves in the stores. The process is anything but simple and the work of a BA on the IT side of it is even more complicated than that on the strategy side. On the strategy side, a bigger role is played by the common sense and innovative thinking whereas on the IT side an additional comfort with multiple technologies is needed. You can't help feeling miserable when different technology teams give you their analyses in total technical terms. What is abcd to them is total greek to me. The learning on this project is tremendous.

The project was floated by the vice president of strategic initiatives for IT here and is being managed by the senior director of IT. It's a delight to observe the way of thinking of these senior people when I sit across the tables with them for weekly updates. At times I am totally awed by the confidence and experience they have. I feel so conscious of every single word I tell them. The feeling is very different; All that I have been doing in my academics and career of last 3 years is outstanding, perhaps comparable to what they did in their times, but still somewhere I feel small before these people. When this Sr. Director of IT poses a question and looks at me - 'Me' !! of all people, 'Me'! Not that Business relationship manager, not that GRM, but 'Me' - that's what goes in my mind in that fraction of a second, before I compose myself and reply. He looks at me because he knows I am handling this project and the BRM or GRM are only my managers. But still, all the respect that I have been taught to give my elders all through my childhood, brings up that instinct in me to stand up and look down with my hands tied at my back and head nodding at every word. I have to fight that tendency every time. I have to work hard to bring that mature and thick accent to my voice during those moments.

Desperate moments..

"wow...ISB pune???"

..and we thought it's a name in the world.

First international b'day..

People coin all sorts of quirky terms!

My college friend wrote to me "so how r u celebrating your first international b'day..." Man! international b'day!!! I can't stop smiling.

And then in the gym, I was talking to this friend of mine when I said

"aaj mere paas IIT hai, ISB hai, H1B hai...tumhare paas kya hai ?"

"mere paas girlfriend hai..." he hit straight on my raw nerve ! He sure knows my secret sorrow.

But yeah, for a moment discounting the fact that I am away from my family, this birthday is one of the best I have ever had. No, not because the clubs here give free laps on your birthday. Why do you always have to think of me that ways!

Whatttt !! ISB ?!!

It's difficult people. It's not easy.

A GMAT score of 780 comes rarely and when you have it, people don't congratulate as much on your admission into the Indian School of Business, the top B school in India, as they ask you why you are not going abroad for your MBA.

What to tell you guys. Just understand that I don't have money even to pay for any other offer acceptance. It costs to go and study abroad on your own without a monthly pay check. And you have to think twice before taking such a huge education loan. There are many other family responsibilities too. Many bills to pay once you get married.

I may sound stupid, but can't help feeling miserable about people's expectations from me.

A dull celebration..

Phew ! I should be partying, I should be boozing, I should not be sleeping at nights, and I should not be staying at home now ! But what to do here in the US. I am just a week old and have only professional acquaintances here. So no celebrations for me. Sometime back, I wrote that I do not want to write about every stage in this pursuit but now that no one is here with me, all I can do is write.

Life is gonna be exciting for the next 4 months - reading to admit's forums, different social networking groups, the admits internal website. I hear great stories about the passouts of this place but I still can't completely believe that something good is in store for me too in the future.

Something has perhaps changed, but I haven't started feeling it yet !

A fortunate dog..

Receiving lots of wishes today, I noticed one thing - all of my good friends said "I am really happy for you." A couple could have said it as a courtsey but every one of them !

Guess I have some of the most caring ones with me. Thanks pals !

A memorable day..

I spent the entire last night refreshing my gmail account, yeah partly because my bedmate, sadly a male, was snoring so loudly that I had already scrapped all my plans of sleeping early in the night and partly because this day was going to be a landmark one. Whom I had been courting for the last 3 years and had finally been able to propose sometime back and then had been asked to wait for another month for a decision was going to announce my fate today. Would she be mine finally? I was restless. The curtains downed at 10.43 am, Atlanta time, when not only she finally said YES but also offered to pay partly for her ring!

..

..

..

..

..

Oh, I love you 'my' ISB !

P.S.: Branching the thoughts from the point of my bedmate being a male, now that my days are spent comparing the American culture with our own, I was thinking that our Indian culture makes us weird kind of straights - For us Indian male bachelors, to share a bedroom with a male bachelor, always be seen in the company of males, and party only with males is seen perfactly natural by the Indian society, whereas this would be exactly the opposite in the US. Such behaviour here would clearly mean that we are not straight !

Culture conflict in my head..

How nine cans of beer screwed me..

I didn't realize I had been asking so many questions. The friend whose home we (Rajesh and I) are staying at till we get our own lease done had nine cans of beer today and started talking after it got to his head.

- You are a new kid to the US. (Rajesh has been in the US for the last eight months, so I am the only kid in the house)
- It's not good to try to learn a lot too soon. You are asking many questions.
- Why should we bother about you. No, we wouldn't. You should be on your own.
- Things are very complicated man. You will find out. It's not easy buddy.
- Don't think too much at the same time.

And let me put a disclaimer that before, after, and between all those lines, I didn't speak a word. This was his idea of me in the two days of stay together that started pouring out automatically after all those beers. Man ! I guess I'll have to shut up a bit more.

Sodium in the US..

After months of hanging between whether I should or should not, I finally forced myself to take this step..moving to the US. Till the last moment, I didn't really want to work abroad just for money or for the name of this country. But, I was thinking that before joining my MBA, it would be better to go out and see what the world is doing and how they are doing it. That would also help me in making a first hand practical decision whether to try for a job in India, Asia, or the west.

My first days in the US:

The intial phase seems to be over in two days. The phase of uncertainty and apprehensions about whether I really made a right decision. It's time now to experience. The work culture in the US differs somewhat from India, as everybody knows. The residential complexes are very comfortable. And I have never done serious cooking in my life so far, so that's something trying for me. But I have to thank my room-mate here for his culinary skills. He can cook most of the things and charging a premium for this speciality, he always asks me to cut the onion and cry with it for my ignorance. Realizing that otherwise I may not have anything to eat at all, I am also content with cutting all the vegetables in the first few days of my cooking practicals. Perhaps by the end of first month, I would be able to cook all these things myself, end-to-end, as we call it in our IT world. But I won't mind cutting onion for our dinner even then Rajesh. You have been of help.

The apartment complex is posh - A gym, a swimming pool, squash and badminton courts, and not just Indian residents. I value the last thing because when I have come this far, I want to experience the American life somewhat.

Phew ! Life has come a long way man. And everybody has been there. Rajesh said for himself today that he had never thought he would be in the US ever.

The Goal...

When I was a child, I liked Sachin Tendulkar. I remember that I cut out and kept a photograph of him with Sir Don Bradman when the former went to meet the later on his 91^st birthday. I was a small kid then, incapable of achieving anything more than a first position in class, so I took a vicarious pleasure in the achievements of my heroes. As time passed and I grew up, a sense of tremendous self respect and independence began to take over. Now I wanted to achieve all such things myself and take pleasure in my own moments of glory. 

I don’t follow cricket now and I care least about celebrities. Today, Sachin achieved the milestone of being the highest run getter in international test cricket and at night I happened to switch to a channel that was airing a live interview with him on his new achievement. I suddenly remembered those old moments when I cut that photograph and when I read an article about his upcoming 24^th birthday in the local Hindi daily, multiple times and so lovingly. 

A sudden rush of emotions and a reminder of an old promise to the self – that is the league I have to belong to.

Hats Off Dad...

I take different things from different people. As such, I don’t have any single role model. I take independence and patience from my father and I take truthfulness and honesty from my mother.

The other day, I was very disturbed about something related to office and he was perturbed seeing me like this. I was touched with his gesture when he sat with me for half an hour at night and told me how a few recent incidents he handled well had been potentially devastating, how such things happen with everybody and how we should take them in stride. For those few moments, I felt something I can’t put in words. He is not a man of exceptional achievements but I realized that every now and then he has had his moments – moments that went unidentified in this governmental bureaucratic machinery –that tell the tale of his exceptional qualities. I learnt a few things from him that day.

He went to sleep but as I thought what he had tried to tell me, I remembered something I had learned sometime back – you have something to learn from everyone.

Change...

I don’t want to give MBA so much importance in my life as to write posts about every milestone in its way. This is just a course that gives one skills to succeed in business. I want to learn those skills. And yes, a few bits of personal growth that come with good diversity and competent faculty at a good B school. That’s all in it for me. I have brought myself out from the possibility of an unknown future into a phase where I see a glimmer of doing something in life. I need this education now to take myself to the level of a global leader.

I have never been inclined towards selling myself to people in interviews, neither for job nor for education. But in this fast paced, highly competitive world, all the selectors can know about a candidate is what he tells them about himself. I know this but I don’t practice this. I will have to accept it soon and behave accordingly. Though selling the self doesn’t seem fulfilling to me, for whatever end.

The recent interview that I had would be the last one where I didn’t even attempt to sell myself when I easily could. The selectors may easily have missed some aspects of my personality that could have defined my selection. Results would not be out for over a month and the likelihood is that of acceptance, despite an unsatisfactory interview performance from my side, but still, I feel that I need to change myself in this sense. And so I would. Today, my thoughts have both the sides. On one hand, one last satisfaction remains – that if I make it in this effort of mine then I will have been selected despite not having even shown the level of my true self. And then, on the other hand, I think that it would have been more satisfying if only I had shown my actual level of thoughts. The second thought predominates. That’s why I say that I would change myself now on in this sense.

All those clichés that I read in the books look so practical now. You never end learning throughout your life. And change is the way of life.

I am the common man and the news channels say this is what I need...

Tell me how many of us would be willing to sell our house in that posh area when we have heard something about an approval in the waiting for a huge shopping mall in the area. Obviously the prices would shoot up and we would want to wait until the mall materializes. And that you wouldn't want to see your house being seized from your hands before you are dead doesn't even deserve a mention.

Now tell me, how much unjustified the farmers in that troubled state are when they complain that their land was seized against their wished and that they were paid for their land at the paltry rates prevailing before the proposed small car project. The media has been giving extensive coverage to the travails of the industrial house and all sympathy has tilted in the favor of the industry. Statements pertaining to the Brand of that state being tarnished because of the unfortunate exit of the manufacturer are rife. The accusations are all on the protesters. There is no doubt that the political leader of the resistance movement is baking her own bread in all this heat and that the responsibility of fair land acquisition doesn't completely lie with the prospective manufacturer, likes of who are generally allotted the land by the state government. But who is talking about the culpability of the state government in its unjust land acquisition policy! Why can't we expect the bureaucrats to look into the social research papers that suggest innovative measures as giving out shares into the profits, etc?

I put it on record here to express my take on our 'responsible' media. The media represents one of the most educated sections of this 1.1 billion large country and so much for all their post graduate and doctorate degrees; we can't even expect an independent opinion from a single representative on the issue. Everybody is harping on the one point general opinion, in favor of the industry. That when they hold regular debates on an inclusive national development to become a super power by 2020. And when the public opinion is whipped by this media, the repercussions can only be imagined. An entire national opinion skewed by unsymmetrical information feeds. I feel miserable. 15-Aug will come again next year and I would see all those slogans written by the young educated representatives of the nation on my office notice board again, mentioning how India makes them proud. I shudder at the thought.

Another thought struck my mind though. Just after the auto expo in Delhi this year, I saw an interview of the chairman of some government organization (I forgot the name of the lady). She raised concerns on the repercussions on the much touted small car project. Of course, the interview was neither re-telecast nor the concerns highlighted in the media to the level of making a public opinion. 

For a moment let's forget our responsibility towards our environment and be selfish to only think about making human life more comfortable. You can count those on hands who expect any drastic improvement in the national infrastructure in the next 10 years. Please see the word drastic in proper light here. If the economy grows at 9 % then an infrastructure growth of 9 % would not be called drastic. It would just mean that the situation on road anytime in future would remain just as it is today. To make a noticeable difference, the actual growth in infrastructure would have to outpace that needed. And I don't see that happening anytime soon. In that light, imagine the current situation on roads worsened by those small cars replacing even a quarter scooters and bikes of today. Utter chaos. May be, until the infrastructure boom begins we can design cheaper and fuel efficient public transport. Affluence is not in every poor man owning a car, affluence is in every poor man earning enough to eat three-times-a-day meals, affluence is in him sending his child to school, affluence is in him being able to commute in the hassle free and faster public transport system, affluence is in him being assured of a quality health care, affluence is in him being assured of his human and civil rights, affluence is in him knowing that nobody can just seize his land below the marker price. Once we know this, we wouldn't give so much of airtime to something which doesn't even count in the priorities of social development.

And when you talk about the technical innovation, I don't see a substantial one here. The price tag is highly dependent on the ancillary units located around the plant. The only substantial achievement of this project seems to me in the area of logistics and supply chain management rather than in the area of technology. This is just a walmartization of the car manufacturing - concepts of retail supply chain optimization being applied to manufacturing.

But of course, we can't afford ignoring the environment today. The need of the hour is not to build an annual half a million more cars burning petrol at a much higher rate than that of two wheelers but to develop cars around a whole new concept involving solar energy, fuel cells, and what better than undrinkable water. Numerous other national and international players are expected to join the fray soon to cash in on the short term boom in the small car. I wish they would pool their resources to expedite the invention of such a concept car. That would be a technical feat, and a responsible one at that.

Otherwise how different this is from the short sighted phenomenon we saw on the Wall Street in the last few years that now led to the near demise of the international finance industry. The Americans went only after the short term profits and growth and here we see the same in automobile happening in India. Yes, there would be a big difference though. The short-sightedness there affected the artificial web of finance, woven by humans around the globe and the same here would affect the natural cover in multiple ways and irreversibly reduce the life span of the planet earth.

Thinking, anyone?

Kalyug..

Something came up in the discussions of two frustrated engineers last night. I thought why not to write this one here.

तो साहब, अर्ज किया है -

एक वक्त था जब दोस्त कहते थे कि दोस्ती के लिए तो जान भी हाजिर है,

आज देखिये बीवी को जान कहते हैं, और मांगो तो मना करते हैं ...

Ways of the world..

It does pinch a little. But anyways. This person was close to me. He was my project partner too in B.Tech. final year project. But apparantly, I was not that close to him. He is getting engaged on 6th and has called some other batchmates but didn't even inform me. I got the news from another common friend. Felt bad at the first moment. But when I thought for next few minutes about it, I really had no complaints with him. It's just one of those many equations at college when he was close to me but I wasn't to him. It's even right. I was a big stupid when at college.

Perhaps he would call me when he gets married soon. Perhaps. 

I am not one of those who are offended or hurt by this. It's just that it feels weird. I was waiting for some time when my batch would start seeing marriages every month. The time is almost there. Another is getting engaged on 5th and married on 8th.

It had become us vs them...

We fed them poison and killed them. When we couldn't find anyone to dispose off the bodies, my dad did that. The two mice had been to every corner of the house and had tried their teeth on every possible thing. They ate my chicken sweet corn soup from inside the packet, they ate the mathri with pickle from the luxery of my plate, and last few of my nights were always tortured by the memories of that time a few months back when one of their ancestors pulled out that stunt of climbing up my jeans, right up the back of my T-shirt (Gee, and I was IN that T-Shirt all the while thinking that one of my parents is playfully running a hand on my back, only to find them both before my eyes the next moment while 'someone' was still playfully teasing its fingers up my back), and jumping from the tip of the last hair on my forehead. Nobody would have believed me, had my mom also not seen it jumping at the last moment. That one would perhaps make a suitable match for a female mouse who has mentioned an adventure loving mouse as an ideal match on its orkut profile, well...

The recent ones had evolved even over that previous one in that they somehow always managed to eat the oiled bait I specially saved from my dinner every night and still never get into the mouse trap for a whole one month. They even avoided the cake poison that we put at 20 odd carefully chosen locations for two days. My dad had been gone out for about two hours in search of that poison cake the day before, when my mom made me wait for the evening tea because dad could return any moment. Eventually, we had no alternative but to make tempting dough balls tinged with cynide and I have to say now I have never seen such an example of customer satisfaction with any of the products on the market in recent years. I am going to write a testimonial to that cynide company today. Only four hours it took and they lay flat in the middle of the room. God bless the manufacturer.

My sister argued something about mouse rights, as in we shouldn't have killed those mice so mercilessly. Perhaps it's the affect of the company of this really beautiful girl in her class who has a pet mouse in her hostel room (Yes, a white one. But what the hell, it's still a mouse! And not as beautiful as stuart little or the girl owner herself) All her snaps on my sister's laptop are with her mouse only. I have been in predicament from some time about asking her out. How long I would be able to avoid not just meeting but pampering this Mr. Mouse if I get the prized opportunity to date her is anybody's guess! All right, you don't have to remind me that I don't have guts to ask her out anyway. Yeah, not just her but any girl. Okay, not even a not-so-pretty one. All right, that's enough, leave it now!

Naa jaane kabse...

ख़ुद का इंसान बनाने में किताबों में कहीं ऐसा खो गया,

कि ज़िन्दगी की दोपहर तक का सफर न जाने कब गुज़र गया

दोपहर को जागा तो दुनिया बहुत बदल चुकी थी,
इंसान की नहीं, कीमत पैसे की हो चुकी थी

अब हर पल पैसे के पीछे भाग रहा हूँ,
आखिरी कुछ उम्मीदों के साथ जाती हुई धूप ताक रहा हूँ

कभी कुछ पल रुक कर कुछ ख्वाब सजा लिया करता हूँ,
बीता हुआ हर लम्हा तेरी परछाईं के साथ फ़िर बिता लिया करता हूँ

तेरी एक आहट का हर पल इंतज़ार करता हूँ,
ना जाने कब से मैं तुझसे प्यार करता हूँ...

Killer language...

It would be unfair to the purpose of my blog if this one weren't put here..
These are the gems of language usage, most of them by the 'perpetrators' of education upon us !


Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette... ? "

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Class teacher once said :

" Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****
Once the Hindi teacher said...."I'm going out of the world to America.."

************ ********* ********* ********* ****
"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

************ ********* ********* ********* ****
Don't..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....

************ ********* ********* ********* ****
It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said

" Why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

************ ********* ********* ********* ****
Teacher in a furious mood...

Write down your name and father of your name!!

************ ********* ********* ********* ****
"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****
My manager started like this

"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****
"I'll illustrate what I have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board

************ ********* ********* ********* ****
"Will u hang that calender or else I'll HANG MYSELF"

************ ********* ********* ************ *
Librarian scolding the student," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****
Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...

"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****
Tomorrow call your parents, especially mother and father

************ ********* ********* ********* ****
"Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

************ ********* ********* ********* ****
Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..

"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

************ ********* ********* ********* *****
Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..

"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

'Holy' Intentions..

I went to my children today. On reaching there, I learned that some group of foreigners was expected there. So we didn't plan anything and just chatted. I learned the names of some more children, listened to a pre-nursary kid's ABCD song, and taught some geography in the map of India to a 10th grader. I didn't tell him that I myself never attempted any single question of map in my 10th board and got 69% marks in Geography. Would have given him a wrong signal..lol. Then I corrected a long time mistake of theirs. They always introduced themselves as "I am XYZ from PQR." Today I taught them to break this introduction up into two separate sentences - "I am XYZ. (And) I am from PQR."

I asked the caretaker what the foreigners did with children. They had been coming from previous 2 days. He told me that they taught songs and dance to children and did some activities. I was excited. It was definitely going to be a delight to see foreigners meeting these children who do not properly understand english. I wanted to see the expressions of both, the children and the visitors. We chatted and in about 15 minutes, the group came. They had a translator with them who was a teenager from India.

The excitement soon disappeared and to my disappointment, the group proved to be completely different from what I had expected. Apparantly they were spreading their religion. They had many papers with their prayers written on them, which they hung on the clothesline. They had their holy scriptures, some religious emblems, and other such things. All of them seemed to be the teachers of their religion. The children were following everything they were being told to do but only few were really listening.

While trying not to be judgemental, I was really in a predicament. What should take more weight - the fact that a religious institution is providing home to those children and looking after them or the fact that in return they are probably subtly trying to influence the choice of their religion. Perhaps the first. I enquired with some elder children of the place later. They told me that no explicit instructions or requests had ever been made to adopt the religion. But with what I saw there for 2 hours, you could affect any child's choice by teaching and showing such things to him at such a tender age (2-18 years). Of course affecting this choice is not a big cost when seen in the light of what they are giving to these children. Still, what pains me is the fact that religion really means so much to some highly educated people.

I have been born in an Indian Hindu family but still never believed in any religion. My mom and dad do daily prayers and inculcated in me as a child all the good religious habits but they never tried to grow me into a religious person unless I myself wanted to, which I didn't. Today I sit with them in all the major prayers but I do not really worship or go to a temple and they are fine with it. Because I am still a sensitive and caring person. I care for human beings, for life. Religion doesn't matter for me. And still I believe in a some power which is controlling such a mysterious thing called life. I believe in rebirth because some theories really make sense to me. But these have nothing to do with a particular faith. If the argument is to grow the children into responsible, and sensitive human beings, we can just explain to them the contradictions that point at some controlling force, without any bias of faith.

I respect this institution very much for what they are doing for these children but it disappointed me to discover that their intentions lack logic. Investing those 2 hours telling them about rebirth could have fascinated every one of them present there. Teaching religion would hardly add any value to their lives.

3 years in job..

Today marks the completion of 3 years of my career. I am still a corporate baby but have matured from what I was 3 years ago when I joined my first company. I have grown in role from an Engineer-Trainee to a Business Analyst, not a bad performance !

The feeling of being independent is indeed invaluable. But a balance of work and life is still missing. I am still single and my parents perhaps expect more of their son's personal time. Perhaps it's time to start working on a balance as well.

Title awaited..

Yesterday I went to attend the information session by the Indian School of Business at the Radisson, Noida. I guess the Radisson was chosen for icing the image cake of the school in our minds.

It rained at the last hour and drenched me completely. I even stopped under a shade for about 15 minutes but it refused to concede. Finally I had to take off in that downpour. The air conditioned hall of the Radisson didn't help of course and water kept dribbling from my clothes for the next 2 hours. Wet and shivering, I felt all the time as if I was sitting in a bathtub and frankly the feeling was discomforting with all those girls around.

Anyways, I attended the entire ISB information session from my bath seat, hoping that someone would notice my sincerity and would ask my name and application number. But sadly that didn't happen.

Straight out of the head..

If you like me, raise your hands
If you don’t, raise your standards.

A hilarious phrase on the gtalk profile of one of my friends lightened up my mood for a moment.

A long time relationship had ended tonight for me. It wasn’t a tearful encounter or a formal break off. She just walked away from me, and knowingly for both, from my life. Just like that. There was no word of separation, just a dramatic turn of life. I wouldn’t say it’s not painful because it is. But last few months have taught me one thing very painfully – To respect the unknown forces of life even when it does not go your way. I am composed.

I had a very unfavorable and eventful childhood, yet I always preferred to think that I drove my life to a very large extent all those years, mainly because I was able to achieve a few important things against all odds with my single minded focus. But last few months, life has tossed me mercilessly. Some of those kicks have even been for eventual good as I see them now. Still, I am calling them all a little painful because none of them was according to my planning. Initially I resisted. I tried to snatch control. But this time it was unrelenting. It only increased its force.

The last few months, I have started looking at myself from outside my body, from somewhere in the corner of the room, as a lone pawn being moved by all those variables nobody has ever discovered. I still prefer working hard to challenge the odds but perhaps I know better than ever before when to respect those forces and wait for their next push. The realization makes things less painful at times.

Life at Point Blank...A World Far from Career and Economics

I don't know what to write about them. They are a different world, world I didn't experience in my 25 years.

They are little. They are naive. They have smiles for everybody who smiles to them. But they have nobody who would tickle them for that smile. Many of them don't know who their parents are or were. Life is very different for them. But perhaps they don't feel the pain. Because to these little kids, life is like that only. They don't know its other ways. And they wouldn't miss it perhaps until they grow up. The pain of loss is felt only by someone who has had an experience of having. But to someone who never had it, its loss takes a long time to dawn.

I met them a couple of months back and felt a strange affection for them. They are so adorable ! They are not mature but they are so unlike ordinary kids of their age.

I went to see them today after 2 weeks. The schools do not open until July, so they were free. And together, we decided to do an impromptu dance competition. I had seen a white board in their home on my previous visits. So I asked them to bring it out. It became our score board. Some of them put a bed sheet on the floor. The caretakers brought two old computer speakers which someone had donated sometime. These attached to my laptop made our own DJ. Within minutes, we had a complete Boogie Woogie set ready !

We made 6 teams of 5 children each. The rest 20 children, including some big boys who were shy of performing, became the judges with me.

In the first round, the teams chose the songs of their performance. And in the second round they performed on a song of my choice, different for each team. All the songs were from Hindi movies and albums and were with fast beats for that extra excitement. Maximum marks were 30.

Chaos followed for more than 10 minutes as they decided their steps and because they were doing something like this for the first time.

And finally I shrieked on the top decibel to get it started.

So, here we are...Ladies and gentlemen, Presenting our very own...Boogie Woogie

The first performance...Mauja hi Mauja

Ladies special...Bole Churiyan

Lafanga party now !
The hilarious...Tau Hat Ja ! The red shirt literally elbowing all the little taus..

The gentle women - Kajrare Kajrare..

The audience :)

No time for camera..

Party heating up now..
The previously shy big boys rise from their judge seats, form an impromptu 7th team, and take the stage
Presenting - Kiya Kiya (Welcome)

And finally they pull me in on Just Chill Chill..
The caretaker demands the song 'Just Chiaow Chiaow' for his dance...It takes me some time to figure out the actual song - Just Chill Chill...

The caretakers on the left and right, don't keep their promise and leave me in the middle of the dance :O

Deepak (in Pink Shirt) comes to my rescue, matches steps with me..

Others also join in no time..

Towards the end of 2 and a half hours, while Tau was still dancing, we get the focus :)

It was amazing how they could imitate the actual dance steps in the song. They are gonna teach me some dance the next time I go there...I have taken the promise.

On Top Of My Little World...

29-May-2008

Pearson Professional Centers
18, Ramnath House
Yusuf Sarai
New Delhi

Graduate Management Admission Test (GMAT)

Sodium Hydro Phosphate

Quantitative: 51
Percentile: 99

Verbal: 47
Percentile: 99

Total: 780 out of 800
Percentile: 99

Analytical Writing Assessment: 5.5 out of 6
Percentile: 83 out of a maximum of 89 at 6


My Big Day :)

--- To Yusuf Sarai - The first world of my second life ----


Silently I had promised to your streets
That I would not walk you just today
As an 11 year old, holding my mom-dad's hands,
weak with surgeries
Struggling for life

With a child's certainty
I had promised to you

That I would come back
On my own bike
With my own money
And with a control on my life

That I would walk your streets once again
In a very different form
And my head still high
With the same old attitude
That only I rule my life !

The one where Sodium was getting married..

In a post written on the marriage anniversary of my parents, I had demanded of them, in jest, the recruitment of new entrants to our home.

My parents took a cue and began hunting actively for a fitting candidate. Soon they started bringing me multiple proposals a day and as I was not really very keen on marrying for sometime still, I turned down all of them. But they were not deterred and their search continued. One day I had a long discussion with my parents on this because I could see they were spending a lot of their time and energy on that. Even they wanted the things to materialize. So, we reached a deal. I was to accept one of the fitting proposals now and would get engaged but marriage would not happen for the next two years. In a few weeks, I gave my consent for one of the proposals brought to me by them. They tallied the birth documents and fixed a date for two years later. In a few months, I got busy with my work and career and forgot all about it (Yes, I did forget it completely). And since I was not living with my parents because my job took me away from home, I didn't know that they had started the preparations 6 months in advance. I was reminded of the approaching occasion only a couple of months in advance. I had neither seen the photograph of my finacee nor had a single word with her since I gave my assent to the proposal. And then I thought I was not like it. Perhaps I had been so busy with my career that I didn't realize that along the way I had not been the same. I thought if I had waited this long to talk to her, why not wait untill marriage then.

I took the leave only a week before my marriage and went home. The preparations were in full swing and everything had been done. I was only to sit and wait to be the second chief guest at my marriage (the first one was the bride of course). And then all the ceremonies happened..the haldi, the mehendi, etc. With only one day to spare, I decided to see my fiancee finally. They had come in the town and were staying at the marriage home hotel. But a meeting of the bride and groom a day before marriage wasn't allowed according to our customs. So I decided to ask my sister to show me the photographs.

The shock came when I saw the photographs. This was precisely what I had feared all my life. And I had no idea how I had let this happen. My fiancee held some unknown degree from some small town and had not been able to find a job after her graduation. She had the looks of an uneducated villager. Her mom resembled my house maid in the way she dressed which was probably the future look of her daughter. When I asked my mom about how she spoke, my mom told me she had a loud and shrill voice and an unsophisticated accent. The sky fell on me. All the preparations were in place. Every single relative from both sides had come. The next day was my marriage and here I was, wishing I could go back in time somehow, find out how this happened and change the course of things. But there was no way now. If I did anything now the other side would not let us go easily. We all would be on national television the next day with breaking news banner showing above all our heads. And who knows if they would resort to violence as well before turning us to the television crew. My fate was sealed. I was almost chocking. My thoughts were that the next day I was going to marry a girl who would be my life partner for about next 40 years and I wouldn't be able to share a single intelligent conversation with her on my dinner table. I wished I would wake up and find it all only a horrible dream.

And then, INDEED I woke up. This had been a dream. And I realized how small my problems are as compared to what worse can happen to me.

A 'Laplase transform' on sodium's life in the waiting..

My life has become a differential equation in complex numbers.

The first part means the external and the unknown variables of the universe affect my life's value.

And the second part implies that my life has both, the real and the imaginary components.

The components of the real part take their values from the domain

WORK = {Office, CAT, GMAT, Social Networking Site, ...}

and those of the imaginary part take their values from the domain

FUN = {Girls, Dating, Love, Promotions, MBA, A Respectable job, Money, ...}

And all the time I am trying to integrate this differential equation to introduce a new constant, preferably from the imaginary part, in each integration step...so that my life gets some pleasant predictability at least.

Happy Marriage Anniversary to Mummy - Daddy :)

Today is the marriage anniversary of Sodium's Mummy and Papa.

Many Many happy returns of the day Mummy Daddy :)

We are indebted to you for all the love you have showered on us and for the person we have become because of the environment created around us by you. And we and the future recruits need your blessings for a long long time to come.

So, our demands would not end. Close is the time when you turn recruiters and use your experience in bringing in the best recruits available.

(A note to my cousins who might read it - This sentence is not to be used to pull my leg ! Thanks)

The atheist in Sodium..

An atheist sinner was going through a rough patch in life. Many of his well-wishers suggested him to take a bath in the holy river of Ganga to get rid of his sins. He asked everybody of them how it would work, what would rid him of his sins by taking a bath in the waters of the river Ganga. But nobody could answer him, not even prestigious saints. Eventually, after facing a lot of personal problems and driven by despair, he went to Hardwar to take bath in the holy river of Ganga. He took a long dip in the freezing water and chanted some lines he remembered his mother teaching him when he was a child. After the bath, propped against a wall, legs crossed, he sat in a corner on the steps of the river ghat, in bright sunlight, and began thinking about how this might possibly help him. Fatigue of a long journey, and the bright sunlight after a bath in chilling water quickly lulled him into sleep. When he woke up, he found himself before Lord Shiva, the greatest God in Hindu religion, on the Great Mountain of Kailash which, in the scriptures of Hindu mythology, has been told to be his home. The man was confused and surprised. He hadn't been sure if all this exists somewhere. Now that he was witnessing this, he asked Lord Shiva, what no-one on earth had been able to answer him. To his surprise, he found a blank expression on Lord Shiva's face. The God told him that even he had no idea how taking a bath in the holy rivers of Ganga could rid the man of his sins. Then the God suggested him to ask this to Lord Brahma, the creator of life and the universe according to Hindu scriptures, and offered the man a ride to Lord Brahma's Lotus flower with him. In a moment they were before Lord Brahma. Seeing Lord Shiva there, Brahma stood up in his flower in respect and bowed to him. Shiva asked the man to pose his question to Lord Brahma. The man obeyed and was even more surprised to watch a blank look on Brahma's face as well. So, my doubts about the abilities of Gods have indeed been correct, the man thought in sadness. He was sad at the way his poor fellow men were deluding themselves with the divine powers of God when the truth was that even Gods had no idea of the guiding force behind life. He wondered what actually the guiding force was then. The train of his thoughts was broken when, seeing him sad and hopeless, the two Lords offered to take him to Lord Vishnu, the third of the trinity of the greatest Gods in the Hindu mythology, to ask his question. The man was not very hopeful but he thought why not to see the ground realities there as well. If two of them are not worth their name, the third would only complement them. Why not to see the whole reality so that he can go down there and tell some sensible people what lay behind all those putative holy scriptures of Hindu mythology. The three of them went to the deepest depths of the Oceans to see Lord Vishnu. Lord Vishnu was delighted with this sudden visit of Brahma and Shiva and they bowed to each other. Shiva asked the man to pose his question to Lord Vishnu. The man repeated his question to Lord Vishnu, already anticipating the same blank face the other two had drawn. He had accidently discovered the ground realities of the ancient scriptures and whatever little belief he had had in the Gods, the putative creators of this world, had shattered. Mythology was after all derived from Myth. The holiest saints of the world and the writers of the holy Hindu scriptures were as far away from the reality as he had been as an atheist. But that was not to be. He was jolted out of his thoughts as Lord Vishnu slapped him on his face. He saw that Lord Shiva (also called Mahesh) and Lord Brahma had moved to the sides of Lord Vishnu. The halo behind them was blinding. Lord Vishnu was telling him "You couldn't have been more stupid. You are witnessing the corporeal presence of the trinity of Brahma, Vishnu, and Mahesh and are still asking how a bath in the holy waters of Ganga could rid you of your sins!"

The brightness of the halo had blinded his vision. The man couldn't see the three deities any longer. He put his hand on his eyes to block the enormous light blinding them. He felt that the water of the ocean at the ocean bed had become cooler and a chill was rising from his legs up his spine and making him shiver. Suddenly he shook. The priest on the river shore was waking him up. The water level in Ganga had risen and had half submerged the step on which he was sleeping. A long time had passed and the sun was high up in the middle of the sky, its light penetrating his closed eye lids. It took him sometime to gain consciousness. It had been a deep sleep but perhaps he had woken up eventually. Perhaps the water in the Ganga had risen to wash him off his sins in the presence of Brahma, Vishnu, and Mahesh. Perhaps the sunlight had been blinding because a curtain before his eyes had been lifted. Perhaps this was the time to start life afresh.

Those who dare..

The exam asked this guy to write a 3 page essay on 'This is how I dare destiny...'

The guy left the 3 pages blank and wrote at the end of third page:

'This is how I dare destiny...'

He was called for an interview. He sat calmly as the interviewer, an eminent U.P. cadre IAS officer, examined his face. The guy had not shaved and had come for the interview in a stubble.
The interviewer asked him
'Have you done so to hide your personality ?'

The guy replied:

'No Sir, I have done so to REVEAL my personality'

The guy was an IIT graduate and had snubbed a job offer from a reputed MNC in the pre-IT boom era to prepare for the Civil Services exam.

'And he was selected for U.P. cadre,' told that eminent IAS interviewer to me when I went to see him for suggestions on the preparation for the Civil Services exam in my 3rd year of mechanical engineering.

The officer went on..

'And you know this guy had prepared the entire year after snubbing that MNC job offer and still when he saw this essay topic, he decided not to sing songs of his attitude but to do something that was intrinsic to his nature. A moment had been when he weighed whether to write some narrative from this life or to do something which would become a narrative of it's own for others to share. And for such people, risk is not a word they learn from the dictionary. They act. And when they act, there are no limits. You IITians have an edge in the IAS preparation in that.'

I couldn't have agreed more. But his opinion for the IITians needs to be put in right order.

It's not the IIT that makes such people, but it's such people that go to places like the IIT and make IIT the place it is.

As pointed out by someone..

'IIT is not a place. It's a way of life.'

Inherently Inclined to Think Innovative, Ambitious and Novel..

That's what an IITian is.. Inherently Inclined to Think Innovative, Ambitious and Novel

And he has long been criticized for squandering the tax-payer's money on the subsidy to his education. But haven't even those who have left the profession- for finance, for management, and even more unrelated areas - imbibed a confidence in the environment around them that is fast becoming an introduction to India's potential.

Look what Sameer Kohli, who graduated in Mechanical Engineering from IIT Delhi in 1993 and has been involved in the scripting and direction of Yahaan and Samay — When Time Strikes has to say:

“Initially, after moving to the world of entertainment, I did feel guilty about having squandered the country’s resources which gave me a top-class engineering education.”

“Today I realize that IIT is not just about an engineering course, it is about the structure and discipline of life. If I, as an individual, can make a difference in the way films and television commercials are made, then I am sure the country’s investment on me is not a write-off.”

My Introduction to Shayeri..

The first sher I heard was in the early 90's from the movie 'Sajan' and the character of the writer in the movie was a successful businessman who wrote shayeri in his free time. Immediately the idea became my favourite. And the sher holds a special place in my heart. It would be unfair if it doesn't feature on this blog of mine. So let me pay a tribute to..

Taqdeer banaane wale tune kami na ki
Taqdeer banaane wale tune kami na ki..

Ab kisko kya mila yeh mukaddar ki baat hai.

A tribute to my feelings...

Chaha hai tumko ek arse ke baad humne
Sajaya hai dil mein fir aaj ek armaan humne
Sadharan sa woh chehra aur sadharan si kad-kathi
Jagaya hai dil mein fir bhi aaj ek armaan tumne
Keh doon yeh kaise teri aankhon mein aankhe leke
Inhi mein to chupaya hai tujhe khone ka darr bhi humne

Falling from the seventh sky..

She ignored.


But last 24 hours would remain a wonderful memory..

Yaaro sab duaaa karo...

For the first time in 4 years, Sodium has asked a girl out...

Will she
Will she not !

It's for such moments that we live, when we appreciate how beautiful life is, how thrilling its every turn !

Once in a lifetime...

"Congrats to Devesh for cracking Harvard."

I stared at Madhur's status line in my Gtalk window in disbelief. Disbelief because all through, despite my fighting spirit, I had somehow accepted that it's not the likes of me who go to Harvard. And yet he was just like me. I saw him maturing from a 17 year old carefree adolescent to a 21 year old, still carefree, engineer. All I remember about him is his ever smiling face. Nothing seemed to perturb him enough to take that smile away from him, be it a semester exam screw-up or seeing his batch mate dating this eye candy when all he did was hanging out in the civil lines with his SAE executive committee members, and I have reason to believe that he did have some trampled feelings for all those few candies of architecture around.

It was a delight and in a moment he changed my perspective. It was 27-Mar-08 and it was a renaissance, a new desire with a renewed faith in the possibilities that lie ahead when all that is needed is a will to venture into the unknown.

Once again, I promise myself to live by the standards I had set for myself when I was a very small child, a 11 year old who had just recovered from a prolonged terminal illness and was secretly setting out on his course to pay back his parents for all they had lost on his little, uncertain life.

It's human to grieve over the time lost but today I try to tell myself...

Girte hain shehsawar hi maidan-e-jung mein
Woh tifra kya gire jo ghutno ke bal chale !

I wish...

I know I deserve you.
I just wish I could make it to you in time.

..
..
..
..
..
..

Girl...who? She is that degree I want.

For you, a thousand times over...

On that first night...

Make morning into a key and throw it into the well,
Go slowly, my lovely moon, go slowly.
Let the morning sun forget to rise in the east,
Go slowly, my lovely moon, go slowly.

It's late my dear, come home now...

I want you soft
as the morning breeze,
Your fragrance
as a budding rose's,
Your beauty
as a child's dream,
Your strength that of steel
for I need your support through the times,
And I ask for your unconditional love
a mere human I am, not infallible,

In return, I promise
not to ask for even my share of my half,
My better one or my worse
You will be all I'll have.