To start up or not to start up

An well respected entrepreneur friend who's doing very well and has huge potential ahead of him asked me yesterday if I am considering starting my own sometime.

We got into a thought provoking discussion around why one should do so and how each of us was thinking about it. We also exchanged philosophical ideas that motivate each of us. I decided to write this to gather a balanced set of views from others that may help people who find themselves at such cross-roads.

For me an important question to ask is what really should be the motivation for someone to start their own. My experience has taught me that you should think about where you can have the most impact on the world. It can be either economic or social depending upon your interest. That doesn't matter because you can be an employee or an owner in either of these spheres.

Your impact in a corporate job depends upon the kind of role you're in and the kind of company you're in. If you're in a limited role in a low-moderate growth company you may have a higher chance of increasing your impact by joining or setting up a start up. The importance of the transformational nature of your start up idea is lesser in this situation. And if you're in a broader role or in a good trajectory in a fast growth company then you may have higher impact in the span of your career in a corporate role than through your own business. Unless you work on something truly transformational, by which I mean what the likes of Facebook, Apple, Amazon, Uber did. They built platforms that were truly scalable and capable of providing opportunities to millions of more people and businesses.

I think the first situation is an easier decision. The second situation tests your judgement. You could say that, at the time of starting, you'll not know the true transformative potential of your idea, e.g., a lot of people didn't realize the potential of the idea of Facebook in its early days. But it's also easy to fail to question your judgement that what you're working on truly has unidentified potential.

Start up landscape is a mix of good and not-so-good in everything - ideas, business models, people. While some are fixing an important problem, others are getting influenced by the trend.

I am not perfect and I don't always find it easy to follow what deep down I believe is the right thing. But for this one my answer is focus on impact.

Be poor, be rich, just don't be middle class...

The day before, Mom and I were returning home from Delhi and because of a traffic jam on our regular route, we had to make a detour through a lesser known village. After a long time, I saw groups of people sitting on Charpaais, enjoying desi hukka, and chatting happily. Everything was simple and it struck me how happy they seemed to be.


I couldn't help thinking -


There are the Poor and mostly uneducated...they don't know much about possibilities and they are happy..
Then there are the Rich and mostly educated...they know everything, they can buy everything and they are happy..
Then there is the Middle class...they are mostly educated, they know most things, they know the possibilities but they can afford little of these..they have learned to aspire and they spend most of their life in aspiration - aspiring for a sofa, aspiring for a car, aspiring for an aeroplane journey, aspiring to make their children 'rich'...they are the worst placed of all!


Moral of the story - Be poor, be rich, just don't be middle class!

A letter to Google..

Dear Google,


Hope you are innovating well.


A few days ago, I checked your new launch Google Plus. It looks so much like facebook. The profile pic is at the same location, friend suggestions show up at the same location, wall looks similar, '+1' is just another name for 'like', comments work the same way, and most other things are similar. Okay, they say hangout is cool and may be a couple more features.


The reason I thought to write this is because all along I have respected you for how you have changed our lives and I am baffled if you don't understand some basics here. First of all, its okay if you lose the opportunity in one of the many areas. You don't have to win everywhere. Second, they teach in business school that when you can't win the game, change the game. Especially in games with strong network effects! With all your technology horsepower, what we expected from you is not a cheap imitation but a completely innovative alternative to the facebook style. How long do you think it will take facebook to imitate 'hangout' if it clicks with people!


Look at twitter. Is this kind of game changer too innovative for all your thinktank? And I expect 'no' for an answer here from you. That ability to innovate is certainly not a problem with you, it's something else you need to fix. May be direction but don't ask me, I am an outsider.


Some people tell me you gathered x million users the fastest. I wouldn't be surprised. You are so respected that people want to try when you come up with something new, anything new! But this kind of imitation puts you at the risk of losing this respect specially as a few more exciting facebook and twitter like alternatives come up. By the way, the right metric to measure popularity wouldn't be the number of users for you (for the reason I stated above), it would probably be the number of users who log on specifically to Google plus at least once a day for a period of x days, given the nature of social networking - an average user logs on to facebook multiple times a day.


Long story short, may be you should relate the cliche With great power, comes great responsibility to what you are doing here.


Best wishes

So, is it destiny or you?

My mom told me today for the 64,783,726th time not to worry and that whatever happens happens for good. Not to mention, I agreed with her on phone.

But then, is it really so?

When something happens one way and your life takes one direction, you start moving in that direction. And if you are inherently inclined to work hard, you turn that whatever way to your advantage and earn a reputation. You become an achiever in your area. And then people look at you and tell you "See! Had you got the other thing at that time in the past, you would not be this. You would not have achieved all this."

There appears a clear causation fallacy in such observations. If you had got that thing you wanted in the past, you would simply have taken a different direction, worked equally well and achieved similar results.

Wouldn't you have?

A walk through the dark night..

"Dude, look at the last year's shortlists - No one below 3.89/4 shortlisted by McKinsey, BCG, A T Kerney..." said my engineering classmate who has joined me here too. The guy is serious about this claim and has hit 4/4 in Term I. But he is still mourning the 'screwup' in Term II in which he thinks he will have to be content with only 2 A's and the rest 2 A-'s (=3.75/4), a portfolio of grades that would make most sensible people here open Champagne in the beautiful SV grounds under the cloudy night.

"No dude, I saw at least one guy shortlisted at 3.6 something. There may be more. I didn't check all." I said.

I have scored 3.75 in Term I and as usual, am very optimistic about the top tier consulting firms offering me a position, not just because I have good grades but because of my entire resume.

"No man! Then look at that guy's other activities too. He had done quite a lot." He suggested me.

This was a typical Sunday afternoon in the dining hall.

This is one year at a place that offers many opportunities to grow across several dimensions. Nobody is clear what is right. Everybody has come in with his own set of priorities and his own perception of success. In any conversation on what is right for the future and what is not, there is tremendous opinion clash. Some are going all out for grades because that's seriously all they have ever known. Some are fighting for grades under peer pressure to make it to top tier consulting firms. Surprisingly a few guys who were happily 6 point someones at IIT are slogging for 4/4 here. This is the last platform to a great career, they would tell you - right or wrong, nobody knows, not even the alumns. Some would tell you not to focus too much on grades and do other things too but the hesitation in the voice gives out way too much - They are really not sure what would work in this market.

A substantial chunk of student population - those still trying to make sense out of the chaos and determined not to be the part of a meaningless rat race - meets in fragments on cloudy night walks around the academic center and asks others of the group whether it's really right to succumb to the peer pressure and register for all those industry projects or business plan competitions just because everybody else is working hard to add that extra line to their resume that might signal their superior level of willingness to join the AAA rated recruiters and to prepare some material for those 5 minutes of interview that would make the entire difference between the upper casts and the untouchables of Corporate India.

You should listen to those fighting souls on those dark night walks. The confident adults in business are nervous students for sometime. One puts hands around the other's shoulders and tries to comfort them on the same dilemma that is eating himself within. Nobody is just ignoring academics here. We are infact getting above average grades. After that level of hard work, should we really not do what we want to do - play football everyday, do gym, go swimming, dance, perhaps look for a special someone...or..is it really a sin here to think of relaxation - mental or physical. And they listen to each other. In half an hour of each other's company, they feel better and go back to their rooms, read the latest issue of The Economist, something they so wanted to do from the last four days, do some course reading and get lulled into a peaceful sleep.

The day breaks with sun shining through the flimsy curtains, there is a lot to do today. Morning classes, some afternoon assignments, an alum session from some AAA rated company in the evening, discussions with numerous classmates throughout and the day ending in hesitation at 7.30 in the evening whether to go to the recreation center or to pitch for the new industry projects posted this afternoon or may be go to the professional club's meeting to be a part of the focus group trying to organise some high profile conference on some esoteric management topic, not because that's what they want to do, but because who knows networking might come in handy for a good job tomorrow and of course 'Key member of the organising committee of So&So summit' might give them a spike on the resume. 'Might' because nobody is sure..

At 11.30 in the night, I look out of my window into the cloudy sky and pick up the phone "Aloke, want to come for a walk for sometime?"

A leader he will be..

Cream of the future Indian management, budding entrepreneurs, aspiring CEOs and what not!

They join all sorts of clubs, take 'initiatives', 'network' with the who-is-who of the corporate, organise 'International conference on this and that' successfully every now and then, despite challanges like the bad market, etc. Above all, they are called 'Leaders'! They got in here precisely because of their demonstrated leadership qualities.

They are perfectionists, they believe in excellence and expect excellence from others - from the school too...but

...but they would leave their room ACs on for the five hours they are in class. Why? So they find their rooms cool when they come back. Oh, but it feels claustrophobic in closed rooms. So, they would also keep the room door open. Oh yeah, the AC is still on, otherwise it's so hot! And you know actually leaving the room open is good too in a way, so you have the lobby cool too, just in case you want to drop in to watch TV for 5 minutes in the day. At least, you wouldn't sweat for those 5 minutes. And did you say about the lights? Ah! Come on you freak, how much power does a tube light consume!

Ask them where their parents live. They would give you the name of some small place near Delhi, Mumbai, Kolkata, Bangalore, or so. Oh yes, they would recall over a cup of tea how they were always mad when the power went off for hours a night before their final exams. In fact, they got a percent lesser in 12th just because of that. This incompetent Indian political and buerocratic machinery can never make India a developed nation by 2020 if this is the state of a basic necessity as power, they would tell you. God knows what would happen to the exploding power needs of this country had the left been successful in scuttling the Nuke deal! And hey why are they not going home in the term break? Ah man, it's very hot at my home place and even the power doesn't come full day. I would rather call my parents here in one of those breaks.

Once in a while, an observer brings their attention to this and look at the humility of those leaders, they are always prompt in taking the blame, accepting responsibility. Just fast forward one more day, they are in the class, you sneak into their open door and a burst of cool air hits you in the well lit room. Laptop is on so they hit the ground running on coming back from the classes..

How I wish, we knew leadership starts from within...

The reflections..

I have had moments when I have cribbed about this place, but when I am receptive to the external environment, this place continues to give me new, exciting experiences.

Tonight we six guys from section A were having dinner in the Goel dining hall and discussing random things when the Strategy Prof from the University of Michigan came with his dinner plate and asked if he could join us. It was a delight. We have had several good profs so far in the two terms but this one is perhaps the best of them all. I heard that last year he was voted the Prof of the year. He is an IIM A grad, has a PhD from Wharton and is over 45 years old. It was amazing to see how well we connected. The classroom formality had given way to informal chatter about everything under the sun. We discussed about the opportunities in the Education and Health Care sectors and the apple case. One of the guys said he had heard somewhere that the Prof had met Steve Jobs sometime back and had asked him why he was still insisting on the same strategy for iPhone and iPod that he had used for iMac and had failed to create a reasonable market share with, despite having so many things in his favour in the beginning of the industry in the early 80s. The Prof confirmed this and we talked about what happened in that talk. Inspiring to hear first hand the experiences of someone who meets Steve Jobs, Ratan Tata, and the likes regularly on corporate assignments.

I asked him the question I had in mind from a very long time. What difference he saw between us and the students at Wharton, Kellogs, and Michigan, etc. I requested him to be frank and blunt. Our class reading of his personality says he can be relied to be blunt in his opinions. While he had no doubt about the quality of the students here, he said something we all know very well. Of course, any Indian B school hasn't attracted as much diversity so far as the top US B schools do. There are many reasons for it and have been discussed numerous times on various forums. I am sure this will change very soon at ISB, but anyways. Speaking of diversity, he spoke in statistical terms since he reasoned we had already taken that course in the last term. He said that in general, the students here could be called a high mean, low variance group whereas the students at the top US schools a low mean, high variance one. For business, you might argue in favour of the latter having relatively higher creative and out-of-the-box factor, in general. He cited the fact that the majority at any international B school in any country is local. Accordingly, a top US B school has a majority of US students whereas an Indian B school like ISB has a majority of Indian students. The education system of the respective countries that brought the students through schooling and graduation reflects in everything they do. And the Indian education system is not highly encouraging as compared to that of the US. The prof made a clear point that the difference he was hinting at had mostly to do with the cultural and societal factors rather than with the quality of Indians as a whole or the quality of ISB. We Indians have a stigma attached to unemployment, failures, etc., things which the Americans consider normal and essential for success in life. I agree with him. He ended up suggesting us how to make the best of this year. He had attended his 20th reunion at IIM A recently and like every senior executive tells us, he said that it didn't matter where everybody had started from. "Your first job isn't going to decide your life." He reiterated a very important learning I have had first hand in the last couple of years - "In the end, we'll all be where we aspire to be, if we work hard, don't lose sight of the goal and have faith in our abilities."

The pressure at ISB is tremendously high. Sometimes when I get time to reflect, I try to tell myself that I am not going to study for grades, I am going to study for learning. I am not going to waste my time worrying what kind of job I am most likely to land up if I do this and that. I am going to do what I love to do. There are all kinds of people here. I just have to look up to those who inspire me.

On a different note, our sports club president has made me the Gym representative for our recreation center. I have already come to be identified with Gym here. Every week, once or twice, a person comes up to me on the lunch or dinner table - our social hangout here - and asks me if I am into professional body building. Even the guy here who has been the youngest refree for volleyball in the Olympics once asked me this over buffet. And the gym coach doesn't believe I havn't taken supplements. It's such a feeling. I tell them that I am an amateur and as I walk back from the meals to my flat, I remember the words of that astrologer that we went to when I had already been operated more than 10 times and had been advised another operation whose chances of success were only 50% - "In 10 years, looking at him, you'd not be able say that he didn't walk on his feet for months and had minimal chances of survival" - and of course, we didn't believe him. We had lost almost everything. A chill runs through my spine everytime I juxtapose my past and my present. It took 15 years instead of 10 but the day has come.

ISB is a fast paced world. Most of them here are extraordinary at something in their lives. The pressures are enormous. Sometimes, it makes me myopic. But whenever I get some time to reflect, I pull myself up to focus at the big picture. I replay the last 15 years of my life before my eyes and the answer is right there - In the end, you all will reach where you really want to.

Second among equals...

I am under tremendous pressure. Everybody here is so damn focussed on marks. Whenever in my past I have got marks, I have worked very very hard for them, forsaking everything else. And today I see two choices:

- Work single mindedly hard and match 'em.

- Keep getting average + 2/3 marks and work towards things I deem important for my personality.

Anyone with a common sense would tell me to choose the second. I want to do that. But it's not 2008. The pressure here in this market is tremendous. Consulting firms shortlist on the basis of grades and you got to be among the top 50 to crack one of those. Though there are several other relevant arguments too:

- If I only focus on marks, then I do not develop other aspects of my personality that I clearly find important. This might also come in my way of shortlist by the top consulting firms.

- I might harm myself in the long run too by not developing 360 degrees.

- Obviously, I am not happy.

But the market is really bad and all of us are in a huge debt now. What if we don't even land a decent paying job with average marks!

I always get myself into such situations when I want to fast forward life and be certain of what happened eventually. When will I start to live the present!

ISB: 3 days away

My mom asked me today how it feels with only three days to go. And I thought for a moment -

In 3 days, I would set foot on what was a distant dream for me for a long time. I will become a current student of the Indian School of Business; a part of ISB. Within me, I still haven't started feeling the reality yet and by dramatizing it in the sentences above, I am trying to drum it down myself. But the devil's sense still tells me 'how come something so good happen to you !' 

Little bit to learn from everybody...everybody

Sometimes you wish

you could go back in time

and do the things differently

just a little bit...

the fascination of being in america

Sometimes, on my way to office or back, I look around and say to myself - "This is America." The dream of more than half of India. The land of the rich, the educated, and the leaders. I say to myself - "This is America. I am standing on the American soil. I am touching the American trees." I try to see if I can fascinate myself the same way as are a large number of people back home.

But all I can feel fascinated about is me standing on the globe at a position almost diameterically opposite to my home. Either I am upside down or they are. Or we both are at different times of the day.

Early days have been difficult here, without a car, with not enough disposable money (saving for my MBA fees), and everything in a flux. But I don't ask myself questions whether I like America or not. Whether I would want to stay here for long or settle here sometime or not. I want to do well in whatever I choose to do in my career and if that means going around the world, thoughts about liking or disliking where I go would do no good to my career. In all probability, my job would take me around the world a lot. The question of where I base myself wouldn't be all that relevent.

A fortunate dog..

Receiving lots of wishes today, I noticed one thing - all of my good friends said "I am really happy for you." A couple could have said it as a courtsey but every one of them !

Guess I have some of the most caring ones with me. Thanks pals !

The Goal...

When I was a child, I liked Sachin Tendulkar. I remember that I cut out and kept a photograph of him with Sir Don Bradman when the former went to meet the later on his 91^st birthday. I was a small kid then, incapable of achieving anything more than a first position in class, so I took a vicarious pleasure in the achievements of my heroes. As time passed and I grew up, a sense of tremendous self respect and independence began to take over. Now I wanted to achieve all such things myself and take pleasure in my own moments of glory. 

I don’t follow cricket now and I care least about celebrities. Today, Sachin achieved the milestone of being the highest run getter in international test cricket and at night I happened to switch to a channel that was airing a live interview with him on his new achievement. I suddenly remembered those old moments when I cut that photograph and when I read an article about his upcoming 24^th birthday in the local Hindi daily, multiple times and so lovingly. 

A sudden rush of emotions and a reminder of an old promise to the self – that is the league I have to belong to.

Hats Off Dad...

I take different things from different people. As such, I don’t have any single role model. I take independence and patience from my father and I take truthfulness and honesty from my mother.

The other day, I was very disturbed about something related to office and he was perturbed seeing me like this. I was touched with his gesture when he sat with me for half an hour at night and told me how a few recent incidents he handled well had been potentially devastating, how such things happen with everybody and how we should take them in stride. For those few moments, I felt something I can’t put in words. He is not a man of exceptional achievements but I realized that every now and then he has had his moments – moments that went unidentified in this governmental bureaucratic machinery –that tell the tale of his exceptional qualities. I learnt a few things from him that day.

He went to sleep but as I thought what he had tried to tell me, I remembered something I had learned sometime back – you have something to learn from everyone.

Change...

I don’t want to give MBA so much importance in my life as to write posts about every milestone in its way. This is just a course that gives one skills to succeed in business. I want to learn those skills. And yes, a few bits of personal growth that come with good diversity and competent faculty at a good B school. That’s all in it for me. I have brought myself out from the possibility of an unknown future into a phase where I see a glimmer of doing something in life. I need this education now to take myself to the level of a global leader.

I have never been inclined towards selling myself to people in interviews, neither for job nor for education. But in this fast paced, highly competitive world, all the selectors can know about a candidate is what he tells them about himself. I know this but I don’t practice this. I will have to accept it soon and behave accordingly. Though selling the self doesn’t seem fulfilling to me, for whatever end.

The recent interview that I had would be the last one where I didn’t even attempt to sell myself when I easily could. The selectors may easily have missed some aspects of my personality that could have defined my selection. Results would not be out for over a month and the likelihood is that of acceptance, despite an unsatisfactory interview performance from my side, but still, I feel that I need to change myself in this sense. And so I would. Today, my thoughts have both the sides. On one hand, one last satisfaction remains – that if I make it in this effort of mine then I will have been selected despite not having even shown the level of my true self. And then, on the other hand, I think that it would have been more satisfying if only I had shown my actual level of thoughts. The second thought predominates. That’s why I say that I would change myself now on in this sense.

All those clichés that I read in the books look so practical now. You never end learning throughout your life. And change is the way of life.

I am the common man and the news channels say this is what I need...

Tell me how many of us would be willing to sell our house in that posh area when we have heard something about an approval in the waiting for a huge shopping mall in the area. Obviously the prices would shoot up and we would want to wait until the mall materializes. And that you wouldn't want to see your house being seized from your hands before you are dead doesn't even deserve a mention.

Now tell me, how much unjustified the farmers in that troubled state are when they complain that their land was seized against their wished and that they were paid for their land at the paltry rates prevailing before the proposed small car project. The media has been giving extensive coverage to the travails of the industrial house and all sympathy has tilted in the favor of the industry. Statements pertaining to the Brand of that state being tarnished because of the unfortunate exit of the manufacturer are rife. The accusations are all on the protesters. There is no doubt that the political leader of the resistance movement is baking her own bread in all this heat and that the responsibility of fair land acquisition doesn't completely lie with the prospective manufacturer, likes of who are generally allotted the land by the state government. But who is talking about the culpability of the state government in its unjust land acquisition policy! Why can't we expect the bureaucrats to look into the social research papers that suggest innovative measures as giving out shares into the profits, etc?

I put it on record here to express my take on our 'responsible' media. The media represents one of the most educated sections of this 1.1 billion large country and so much for all their post graduate and doctorate degrees; we can't even expect an independent opinion from a single representative on the issue. Everybody is harping on the one point general opinion, in favor of the industry. That when they hold regular debates on an inclusive national development to become a super power by 2020. And when the public opinion is whipped by this media, the repercussions can only be imagined. An entire national opinion skewed by unsymmetrical information feeds. I feel miserable. 15-Aug will come again next year and I would see all those slogans written by the young educated representatives of the nation on my office notice board again, mentioning how India makes them proud. I shudder at the thought.

Another thought struck my mind though. Just after the auto expo in Delhi this year, I saw an interview of the chairman of some government organization (I forgot the name of the lady). She raised concerns on the repercussions on the much touted small car project. Of course, the interview was neither re-telecast nor the concerns highlighted in the media to the level of making a public opinion. 

For a moment let's forget our responsibility towards our environment and be selfish to only think about making human life more comfortable. You can count those on hands who expect any drastic improvement in the national infrastructure in the next 10 years. Please see the word drastic in proper light here. If the economy grows at 9 % then an infrastructure growth of 9 % would not be called drastic. It would just mean that the situation on road anytime in future would remain just as it is today. To make a noticeable difference, the actual growth in infrastructure would have to outpace that needed. And I don't see that happening anytime soon. In that light, imagine the current situation on roads worsened by those small cars replacing even a quarter scooters and bikes of today. Utter chaos. May be, until the infrastructure boom begins we can design cheaper and fuel efficient public transport. Affluence is not in every poor man owning a car, affluence is in every poor man earning enough to eat three-times-a-day meals, affluence is in him sending his child to school, affluence is in him being able to commute in the hassle free and faster public transport system, affluence is in him being assured of a quality health care, affluence is in him being assured of his human and civil rights, affluence is in him knowing that nobody can just seize his land below the marker price. Once we know this, we wouldn't give so much of airtime to something which doesn't even count in the priorities of social development.

And when you talk about the technical innovation, I don't see a substantial one here. The price tag is highly dependent on the ancillary units located around the plant. The only substantial achievement of this project seems to me in the area of logistics and supply chain management rather than in the area of technology. This is just a walmartization of the car manufacturing - concepts of retail supply chain optimization being applied to manufacturing.

But of course, we can't afford ignoring the environment today. The need of the hour is not to build an annual half a million more cars burning petrol at a much higher rate than that of two wheelers but to develop cars around a whole new concept involving solar energy, fuel cells, and what better than undrinkable water. Numerous other national and international players are expected to join the fray soon to cash in on the short term boom in the small car. I wish they would pool their resources to expedite the invention of such a concept car. That would be a technical feat, and a responsible one at that.

Otherwise how different this is from the short sighted phenomenon we saw on the Wall Street in the last few years that now led to the near demise of the international finance industry. The Americans went only after the short term profits and growth and here we see the same in automobile happening in India. Yes, there would be a big difference though. The short-sightedness there affected the artificial web of finance, woven by humans around the globe and the same here would affect the natural cover in multiple ways and irreversibly reduce the life span of the planet earth.

Thinking, anyone?

Ways of the world..

It does pinch a little. But anyways. This person was close to me. He was my project partner too in B.Tech. final year project. But apparantly, I was not that close to him. He is getting engaged on 6th and has called some other batchmates but didn't even inform me. I got the news from another common friend. Felt bad at the first moment. But when I thought for next few minutes about it, I really had no complaints with him. It's just one of those many equations at college when he was close to me but I wasn't to him. It's even right. I was a big stupid when at college.

Perhaps he would call me when he gets married soon. Perhaps. 

I am not one of those who are offended or hurt by this. It's just that it feels weird. I was waiting for some time when my batch would start seeing marriages every month. The time is almost there. Another is getting engaged on 5th and married on 8th.

It had become us vs them...

We fed them poison and killed them. When we couldn't find anyone to dispose off the bodies, my dad did that. The two mice had been to every corner of the house and had tried their teeth on every possible thing. They ate my chicken sweet corn soup from inside the packet, they ate the mathri with pickle from the luxery of my plate, and last few of my nights were always tortured by the memories of that time a few months back when one of their ancestors pulled out that stunt of climbing up my jeans, right up the back of my T-shirt (Gee, and I was IN that T-Shirt all the while thinking that one of my parents is playfully running a hand on my back, only to find them both before my eyes the next moment while 'someone' was still playfully teasing its fingers up my back), and jumping from the tip of the last hair on my forehead. Nobody would have believed me, had my mom also not seen it jumping at the last moment. That one would perhaps make a suitable match for a female mouse who has mentioned an adventure loving mouse as an ideal match on its orkut profile, well...

The recent ones had evolved even over that previous one in that they somehow always managed to eat the oiled bait I specially saved from my dinner every night and still never get into the mouse trap for a whole one month. They even avoided the cake poison that we put at 20 odd carefully chosen locations for two days. My dad had been gone out for about two hours in search of that poison cake the day before, when my mom made me wait for the evening tea because dad could return any moment. Eventually, we had no alternative but to make tempting dough balls tinged with cynide and I have to say now I have never seen such an example of customer satisfaction with any of the products on the market in recent years. I am going to write a testimonial to that cynide company today. Only four hours it took and they lay flat in the middle of the room. God bless the manufacturer.

My sister argued something about mouse rights, as in we shouldn't have killed those mice so mercilessly. Perhaps it's the affect of the company of this really beautiful girl in her class who has a pet mouse in her hostel room (Yes, a white one. But what the hell, it's still a mouse! And not as beautiful as stuart little or the girl owner herself) All her snaps on my sister's laptop are with her mouse only. I have been in predicament from some time about asking her out. How long I would be able to avoid not just meeting but pampering this Mr. Mouse if I get the prized opportunity to date her is anybody's guess! All right, you don't have to remind me that I don't have guts to ask her out anyway. Yeah, not just her but any girl. Okay, not even a not-so-pretty one. All right, that's enough, leave it now!

Naa jaane kabse...

ख़ुद का इंसान बनाने में किताबों में कहीं ऐसा खो गया,

कि ज़िन्दगी की दोपहर तक का सफर न जाने कब गुज़र गया

दोपहर को जागा तो दुनिया बहुत बदल चुकी थी,
इंसान की नहीं, कीमत पैसे की हो चुकी थी

अब हर पल पैसे के पीछे भाग रहा हूँ,
आखिरी कुछ उम्मीदों के साथ जाती हुई धूप ताक रहा हूँ

कभी कुछ पल रुक कर कुछ ख्वाब सजा लिया करता हूँ,
बीता हुआ हर लम्हा तेरी परछाईं के साथ फ़िर बिता लिया करता हूँ

तेरी एक आहट का हर पल इंतज़ार करता हूँ,
ना जाने कब से मैं तुझसे प्यार करता हूँ...

'Holy' Intentions..

I went to my children today. On reaching there, I learned that some group of foreigners was expected there. So we didn't plan anything and just chatted. I learned the names of some more children, listened to a pre-nursary kid's ABCD song, and taught some geography in the map of India to a 10th grader. I didn't tell him that I myself never attempted any single question of map in my 10th board and got 69% marks in Geography. Would have given him a wrong signal..lol. Then I corrected a long time mistake of theirs. They always introduced themselves as "I am XYZ from PQR." Today I taught them to break this introduction up into two separate sentences - "I am XYZ. (And) I am from PQR."

I asked the caretaker what the foreigners did with children. They had been coming from previous 2 days. He told me that they taught songs and dance to children and did some activities. I was excited. It was definitely going to be a delight to see foreigners meeting these children who do not properly understand english. I wanted to see the expressions of both, the children and the visitors. We chatted and in about 15 minutes, the group came. They had a translator with them who was a teenager from India.

The excitement soon disappeared and to my disappointment, the group proved to be completely different from what I had expected. Apparantly they were spreading their religion. They had many papers with their prayers written on them, which they hung on the clothesline. They had their holy scriptures, some religious emblems, and other such things. All of them seemed to be the teachers of their religion. The children were following everything they were being told to do but only few were really listening.

While trying not to be judgemental, I was really in a predicament. What should take more weight - the fact that a religious institution is providing home to those children and looking after them or the fact that in return they are probably subtly trying to influence the choice of their religion. Perhaps the first. I enquired with some elder children of the place later. They told me that no explicit instructions or requests had ever been made to adopt the religion. But with what I saw there for 2 hours, you could affect any child's choice by teaching and showing such things to him at such a tender age (2-18 years). Of course affecting this choice is not a big cost when seen in the light of what they are giving to these children. Still, what pains me is the fact that religion really means so much to some highly educated people.

I have been born in an Indian Hindu family but still never believed in any religion. My mom and dad do daily prayers and inculcated in me as a child all the good religious habits but they never tried to grow me into a religious person unless I myself wanted to, which I didn't. Today I sit with them in all the major prayers but I do not really worship or go to a temple and they are fine with it. Because I am still a sensitive and caring person. I care for human beings, for life. Religion doesn't matter for me. And still I believe in a some power which is controlling such a mysterious thing called life. I believe in rebirth because some theories really make sense to me. But these have nothing to do with a particular faith. If the argument is to grow the children into responsible, and sensitive human beings, we can just explain to them the contradictions that point at some controlling force, without any bias of faith.

I respect this institution very much for what they are doing for these children but it disappointed me to discover that their intentions lack logic. Investing those 2 hours telling them about rebirth could have fascinated every one of them present there. Teaching religion would hardly add any value to their lives.